Fantasy Island.

Look at how mirthful and sprightly these guys are. I mean, sure they were probably high on cocaine at the time, but who wasn’t in the 1970’s. Hell, even I was high on cocaine and I wasn’t even born yet. Music videos used to have this carefree, almost innocent quality to them until one day some genius (most likely some French asshole) came along and decided “Hey, the subjective boundaries of morality are being transgressed at almost every juncture! Why not select a few examples of this, synchronize them to some music, and exploit it in furtherance of lucrative record sales.”. It was this audacious notion that spawned a “new-wave” of musical video. An era in which a platform was given to scantily clad strumpets and automatic-weapon toting hooligans to proclaim “Here I am, world.”.

Tell them what time it is Redman.

Yeah, that’s more like it.

In spirit of the noble Jeffrey Amherst, a few of my associates and I have established a new holiday to be celebrated the day after Thanksgiving. “Ungrateful Taking Day” aims to serve as the “Yin” to the “Yang” of the ostensible altruism that takes place on Thanksgiving by glorifying deeds that are often deemed injurious by contemporary society. Leave the lights on and the water running in your home all day, purchase gasoline at your local gas station and dump it on the ground, buy young children beer, lie, steal, cheat, mail oil to the Everglades, even the elementary task of littering are all exemplary ways to commemorate this wonderful occasion. Remember, if you’re not part of the problem, then you’re part of the solution.

Busta Rhymes A.K.A. Nostradamus put it best when he stated:

“Yeah yeah y’all extinction level event shit
Bomb threat to the whole world
What what what is going on
What the fuck’s going on here”

Much like prophets Muhammad and Moses, I will serve as your humble intermediary between the divine forces that be, and humanity. Let the countdown begin.